Lost
by Elfwarriorgirl
Summary: Tumnus feels lost because of the feelings he has for Lucy.


Lucy walked up to her brothers, who were standing off by themselves, laughing and talking.

"Have you seen Tumnus anywhere?" She asked, concern heavy in her voice.

Peter wrapped his sister in a one-armed hug and said, ''Haven't seen him, why?"

"Is something wrong?" Asked Edmund.

"I haven't seen him all day and I'm starting to get worried. He's not in his room."

"Did you look in the library? He goes in there frequently." Suggested Peter.

"Yes, I've checked the library several times today and he hasn't been in there once."

"Did you look outside?" Asked Edmund,

"I looked in the garden and he wasn't there. It's starting to get dark outside. I'm really worried."

Edmund took a step towards Lucy and took her hand, saying, "How about you and I go look outside again."

Lucy sighed and nodded. "Alright."

To her right, Peter said, "I'd come if I could but I told Su I'd babysit for her."

Before leaving, Peter kissed Lucy on the forehead. Calling over his shoulder he said, "Goodbye."

Edmund offered Lucy his arm and she took it and together they walked down the corridor and out into the warm summers night, A soft, hot breeze blew around them, rustling the trees playfully. The wisps of hair around Lucy's face frolicked in the breeze, and she brushed them away in a irritated fashion.

"Come on, let's check the garden again." Said Edmund as he led her away.

Lucy kept her eyes open as they walked through the plants, they glanced at every bench and yet, Tumnus was not there. With fear in her heart Lucy followed her brother to the fountain that sat in the middle of the garden. To her surprise, Lucy saw Tumnus draped against the fountain, his cloven feet lying amid the dirt and pebbles that littered the ground. Rushing to the fawn, Lucy was dismayed to the sad, haunted look on his face. Kneeling beside him she asked him, "Tumnus, are you alright?"

Edmund dropped to a knee too, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Tumnus, whatever is wrong. Lucy's been looking for you all day."

Tumnus turned his head slowly towards Edmund and said, "Can I speak to Lucy alone, please?"

Edmund nodded, "Yes, of course."

Standing up, Edmund looked to Lucy and mouthed the words, "Be gentle."

Mouthing back, she said, "I will." She kept her gaze on her brother until he was out of sight. Turning back to Tumnus she repeated her earlier question.

"Tumnus, are you alright?"

Tumnus looked at Lucy and their gaze connected. The sadness she saw in his eyes was so great it made Lucy feel the need to catch her breath. His eyes held a pool of great sorrow and emptiness, and it seeped out of him, causing Lucy to feel his sadness, but what the cause was, she didn't know.

"Tumnus." Lucy whispered his name, so quietly that it could not be heard as the wind whipped it away, never to be heard again.

"I'm lost." Tumnus spoke quietly.

"Why, whatever do you mean Tumnus?" Lucy asked, unsure of what to think.

"I don't know what to do anymore."

Tumnus turned around so that he was sitting with his back against the fountain. He didn't say anything, but instead just stared straight ahead. His jaw was clenched tightly and his shoulders were tense, firm. He looked on edge, as if preparing for someone to reach out and hit him.

Hooves scrabbling on the ground, Tumnus turned and faced Lucy. Cupping the side of her face with a hand, Tumnus leaned in quickly and kissed Lucy on the lips. Gently, quickly and with an almost fearful touch to it.

As Tumnus pulled away, Lucy let out a small gasp. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have done that, but I...I just had to."

"Tumnus," Lucy started to say but then trailed off with lack of something to say. Her hand flew to her lips, feeling them gingerly. "What just happened?"

"Lucy, I'm sorry." His voice had a pathetic ring to it, and the corners of his mouth drooped down.

"Don't be."

"Lucy, I dream about you, all the time. I dream about us taking walks together, holding hands, cuddled together in front of a fire, dancing at balls but every time I wake up with this feeling inside me that I can't explain."

"Hope?'' Lucy offered up the word.

"Despair." Tumnus whispered sadly, the anguish clear on his face.

"Oh Tumnus." Lucy whispered back, knowing exactly what he would say next.

"I could never be good enough for you Lucy. Never."

Lucy quickly stopped him by holding a soft finger to the fawn's lips. He quieted imiddiantly and cauteously reached up to grasp her delicate hand with his. His movement was slow, haltered, as if he feared she might slap his hand away. But Lucy didn't and instead, she reached with her other hand and laid it over their intertwined fingers.

"Tumnus, stop belittling yourself. You are a wonderful fawn, you have so many fine attributes and talents."

"All that may be true but Lucy, I'm not human."

"Why would that stop you from doing anything?"

"How could you ever love a fawn?''

"Oh but Tumnus, I already do love a fawn."

Tumnus opened his mouth and attempted to say something but the words didn't quite make their way out for as he began to speak Lucy leaned forward and kissed him. Her kiss was as gentle and soft as his had been, but to Tumnus, her kissing hims was the greatest thing he could imagine.

Lucy pulled away and gazed into the fawn's eyes.

"Tumnus, I don't care if you are a fawn. Really, I don't."

"You don't?" Tumnus asked.

"No. Tumnus, I wouldn't care if you were a centaur, or a dwarf. I love you for your heart."

Tumnus reached for Lucy and pulled her to his chest, wrapping her in his strong arms. They cuddled against each other for a few minutes before Tumnus tilted his head down and whispered in Lucy's ear, "You know something?"

"What?"

"I'm not lost anymore."


End file.
